It’s been a week, a week since I’ve had even a resemblance of a normal night’s sleep. In the last two days I’ve been unable to leave my house and have missed my psychiatrist appointment, my SITP meetup and my Biology final. I was also forced to drop out of participating in publishing my first peer review paper and a trip to Kobe, Japan for an immunology conference next week.
My anxiety has control over me. I know that it’s because I’m having to change my meds but that fact doesn’t matter right now.
I’m frustrated that I have a brain that makes me yearn for knowledge but stops me from being able to achieve my dreams. Sometimes when I tell people that I’m on disability they look at me funny. Most of the time I forget how bad I can get and I feel guilty for not having a job and supporting myself. Nights like tonight I feel no more able to get out of bed than Stephen Hawking is.
I don’t type this for sympathy, comfort or encouraging words. Instead, I do it so that when a person tells you they have anxiety and you might not quite understand what it’s like, think of me today, lying in bed for the 8th straight day as life literally passes me by.
Rational Ramblings 